By Proxy
by Tinderbox of Sanity
Summary: Alexander reflects on his own troubling dreams.


Daniel was not an innocent man, but he wasn't a bad man either. He was simply desperate and driven to the edge by circumstances far beyond his control. Impressionable, but not _eager_ to commit himself to the atrocities they carried out in order to keep the shadow at bay. It mattered little, as the time they had grew ever shorter, and Daniel's fear drove him to do what his flimsy sense of compassion could not.

Everything that Alexander did, he did for his love. All this time, he had only thought of her. There had only been two goals in his life since coming here: Survive and return to her. For Daniel it was different. Daniel was more like _those men. _The two who had pretended to aid Alexander in his quest to return home, only to betray him in the end. Daniel had wanted knowledge, and he had been seduced by the Orb. None of them had any idea what it was like. The strength it took to resist the powers of such an ancient artifact. The terrible acts that one had to commit in order to control it all. Who were they to judge him? He knew it in his heart, if given the chance Daniel would turn his back on him all the same. If presented with the opportunity to escape the Shadow and to travel the worlds, Daniel would leave Alexander stranded.

At least that was what he told himself. That is why he lied to the boy; he did it to protect himself! The less that Daniel knew, the safer that it was. Yet every time that Daniel accepted one more lie with a worried furrow of his brows and a pained look on his expression, Alexander felt himself begin to hesitate. 'He would do this all for power!' Alexander told himself. 'The boy would ruin everything for me if he knew, and I won't have it! Not again, not this time.' What it all came down to in the end would be whose life was saved. Daniel was willing to torture and murder for his own life, how could he be trusted with Alexander's? Yet with those honest eyes and a tired voice, Daniel looked to the Baron and called him 'friend.'

Daniel thought that both of them could be saved. Such naivety! Alexander hated that he felt guilt for his deception. Teaching Daniel the methods of torture and then watching the young man's sanity take a back seat for the performance was like watching himself fall all over again. The intelligence, the naivety, the search for knowledge. Daniel had been a scholar before all of this, and Alexander could relate all too closely with that. It was part of the reason that the Baron had ended up on this primitive world in the first place. Perhaps it was because of that, that he began to have these fantasies. The dreams where it was Daniel there on the table and Alexander would take his time with him.

Such a will to survive! Surely Daniel would last a while. With so many fears and his newfound intimate knowledge of just how the torture facilities worked, Alexander could just _taste _the strength of the vitae it would reap. Though the 'ritual' that he had given Daniel initially had been a farce, the torture was true. It would be the best way to begin. He would take his time, letting Daniel's naked skin feel every wet line being painted. The ink would itch as it began to dry, adding further discomfort to his friend and prisoner, who knew just what was coming. In some dreams Alexander would blindfold and gag the Englishman. But that always made the act its self feel emptier somehow.

On nights he had woken from dreams of home and his love, or ones about the two he had once called friends, he never failed to slip back into the more twisted of dreams. Alexander forgot who it was that he was torturing some nights. Was it a friend? A traitor? A student? If he didn't blindfold Daniel in these dreams, the expression that he received would haunt him. He knew it was the very look his love would give him if she knew what he had done to return to her. The blood on his hands was as good as hers; at least that was how she would see it. He _had _done it _for her _after all!

In these twisted fantasies, he punished Daniel. He blinded those eyes for being so naïve, cut out his tongue for the lies he had yet to tell, and flayed the very skin from the hands which were already soaked with the blood of others. Like an expert physician of this world, he would then remove the Englishman's still-beating heart, and weigh it on a scale to judge the betrayal. Even in these dreams he knew he should be weighing it against his own. No one was the angel here, and no one the devil.

They were two desperate men in desperate times, taking desperate measures in order to reach their goal. Alexander held all the knowledge, the cheat sheet for the final exam. He couldn't allow Daniel the chance to betray him. Instead he would leave the young man to atone for his sins in the mercy of the Shadow. It was perhaps, the more merciful of fates. Alexander was willing to admit to himself after all this time that his desire to return home was a selfish one. He wanted nothing more than to look upon the face of his love just one last time. If she rejected him, then it would only be fate coming around full turn. He had come this far already, there would be no turning back.

Every night these days, he tortured Daniel in his dreams. And each night, it was really a part of himself that he was trying to destroy.


End file.
